Monday, June 19, 2017

This is a tongue-in-cheek post. I thought it high time to reveal the trials, tribulations and struggles to get Cat Boss aka Shibby to come and go through her "Sureflap". What is a Sureflap?    
The SureFlap DualScan Microchip Cat Door is suitable for multi-pet households to control the access of your pets both into and out of the house. The DualScan Microchip Cat Door allows you to restrict some pets to indoors-only, while others are allowed outside and back in again. Any intruder animals attempting entry are kept out.  A surefire solution to stop rogue cats entering while you are at the supermarket, away on weekends, or on your overseas trip. Reviews reveal that most cats take to the door straight away. After all, many cats like to eat and eat constantly. A bowl of food or biscuits for these hungry little moggies will be temptation enough to enter this clicking, plastic door. However, some are very slow to learn, like Cat Boss!

Interview with Cat Boss
HH:  Was this cat flap a good idea for you?
CAT BOSS: Um, I didn't get it. I had one in the laundry flywire door. I was happy coming and going through that!
HH: So, you don't like change?
CAT BOSS:  Nah. I'm only a little short-stop, you know, I have a thin svelte body, not much meat on me. And then I had to navigate this heavy plastic door, duh!
HH: But other cats go through it easily. Why couldn't you?
CAT BOSS: Well, at first, it scared the life out of me. This thing was click, click, clicking you know?
I didn't know if it was locking, out of order, or whether it had a time bomb ready to go off. It's an old saying, but "scaredy cat" is quite true of cats. That's me!
HH: Why was it a struggle, since it was designed for you and placed inside the kitchen window for easy access, with pot plants around for privacy!
CAT BOSS: I suppose you could call me a difficult cat. Or maybe because I'm getting on in years. It's a bit like - 'you can't teach an old cat, new tricks'.  That's me to a "tee". I didn't like it. I wanted my old door back (which you taped up). I know, I know, neighbourhood buddies can get in the old way..I get that, but there should have been a flywire Sureflap. That's what I wanted all along.
HH: You might not understand, but the Sureflap is new technology. It works by reading the chip in the back of your neck. It can only let you in with that chip number and no other cat. Hence, your neighbourhood buddies (ferals) can't get in and eat your food.
CAT BOSS:  I wondered what that last trip to the vet was all about. He kept fiddling with my neck skin.  Oh, now I get it. I'm carrying a wire, like a secret agent, whoa! You mean, "Mean Ginger" the local Tom can't get me?
HH:  That's right!  He can't get you, because you can race through and escape any fight or confrontation. Now, do you like your Sureflap?
CAT BOSS: I guess. But hey?  Update, dah, dah!  I go through, now. Whaddya think about that!
HH:  I am pleased. What changed your mind?
CAT BOSS:  Oh, come on. You know.  You kept me hungry "all day"  and 'cause it was winter I got freezing cold outside. Just wanted to get in and get my gourmet tuna with crab strips. Guess, you were a bit fed up after 6 months of training, hey?
HH:  Any owner would be.  I tried everything. Posting you through (that didn't work). Calling you with food the other side. Tried tempting you with your favourite cheese. Opened the flap in increments, first leaving it open and taped up, then propped up with a plastic water jug and then the final straw was a bulldog clip. I nearly gave up!
CAT BOSS:  Oh, I'm just difficult, but you spoiled me!
HH: I spoiled you because you were a stray.  I also thought you were smart, but stubbornness is something I wasn't expecting. Then I took advise from everyone, using what's called "Tough Love". It worked, thank goodness.
CAT BOSS: I butt the Sureflap with my tiny head. Just want to get my biscuits and stuff.  

I can learn anything, duh!
 

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Helen Hagemann's first literary collection, Evangelyne & other poems, was published by the Australian Poetry Centre in their New Poets Series 2009. 'of Arc & Shadow' is her second full collection published by Sunline Press. She has two e-books, The Joyous Lake & Par écrit: poetry of the feminine @ http://issuu.com/evangelyne/​​docs/joyous_lake/

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